Heya, how are you guys lately? Hope you're doing fine out there~
I just noticed that it's been awhile since I last made a journal and nor did I managed to hang around dA and became quite a stranger lately because I haven't really gotten much chance to be online due to my health condition, so I thought about giving a short update on what's happening for me right now and just to say that, I'm fine, despite my health to those who had been asking lately.
I honestly haven't read all my inbox yet so I've yet to reply to all my messages and I really feel bad for not replying and being a stranger since as some of you know, I'm really not like that since I always reply but... it's just too flooded because of my hiatus and some of the questions asked had been too long since they were posted so I've been contemplating whether or not to answer individually since it's already been too long and you might have probably forgot about it by now and I'm honestly really not in my finest condition either to put up with so much comments and notes so I'll just answer some of those questions here in general.
Red stands for some questions I found and Yellow stands for my answers. Some questions were too personal so I'll get back to you regarding some of the questions personally. This journal is also a tad bit long since I might not make a new one any time soon so you don't have to read this in one go or even read it at all if you didn't want to since this is a very sensitive subject that I am bringing up but thought that some of you wants to know so... I'll confide some of my thoughts to you.
What stage are you in and what strain of cancer was is again? How did you get it and what did the doctors say?
I'm currently fighting a Stage 3 strain of Hodgkin's Lymphoma. They checked my medical history and since I have been pretty healthy and I never really got confined to any hospital for my whole 20 years before August this year, they traced that I got this strain because of family blood lineage, my aunt had recently survive, non-hodgkin's lymphoma and some of my relatives had experienced different cases of cancer as well so eventually they pass it through me and I'm now a potential carrier of the strain as well, sadly...
As for my treatment, Though Lymphoma's a pretty common case and is highly responsive strain, it's still fairly rare for young adults from our country, much more for a girl such as myself. I was surprised to find out that most that share my strain are males from the hospital I'm in and I'm the only female being treated with this strain, so I am being heavily monitored since females who have this strain are quite rare here and majority of them had... no I won't say it. But to make it worse, there are more medications for the Non-Hodgkin's type so I'm quite in a bind, but fortunately, I'm getting by pretty well.
Did you undergo treatment for chemotherapy and if so, for how long?
Yes, we've contemplated this matter for a long time since this is a very sensitive and crucial decision that has many risks and eventually the only sure way to get better as well. I made the final decision to proceed the treatment than rather waiting for it to get any worse than it is. I've started treatment on September, 25, 2014 and I just recently undergo the fifth one this December, 02, 2014 and my next us supposedly scheduled 15 days later and every 15 days after that till next year.
Is it expensive?
It is insanely expensive. Not just financially, but it also eats up a lot of your time since you have to go in and out of hospitals frequently. We aren't really a rich family but we aren't really that poor either, but what really helped us get by is the continued donations from everybody around me. I am truly grateful for having so many friends and relatives and surprisingly, even kind strangers who are willing to help us and keeps on supporting me till now.
How have you been lately?
Well, I won't deny that I've seen and felt better days. I feel extremely tired due to the facts of my illness and from going in and out of hospital and confined to the house/hospital all the time and being the active girl you might've known me to be. This isolation is excruciatingly painful for me. It's sad that I can't even hug someone dear to me or even my animals since the doctor asked me to avoid any contact to avoid any infection since my Lymphoma targets my immunity system and the side effects of chemotherapy is making it even worse.
The good news is that there hasn't been any major problems so I'm adjusting and slowly getting used to it.
How are you feeling? Does treatment hurts?
I'll be honest with you, I feel like a lawnmower run me by every time I go home after treatment and I feel excruciatingly exhausted after the first days after treatment. I feel like very nauseous all the time since they're giving me one of the strongest medicines, by medicines I mean around 7 are injected on me every time and one of them is even colored deep red so being the FMA nerd that I am, I feel like the philosopher stone is being injected in me and it freaking hurts! But aside from feeling incredibly weak after that, fortunately enough I had never threw up ever since I started so that means that no matter how strong those medicines might be, my body can apparently handle them and despite the excruciating pain that goes along with, know that I can bare it as well. No way am I giving up without a fight.
Is it true that you lose hair after the first treatment?
It's every girls worse nightmare when your hair slowly falls off and though I already know that losing hair is indeed possible and I thought at first that I didn't mind since that was a cheap price to pay in order to get better. It still made me depress when it slowly happened after my second treatment.
I was planning on waiting it to all fall out by itself slowly but I cut my long hair to a cut similar to Riza Hawkeye's short hair when I couldn't bare to see it go so painfully slow every time I accidentally run my hands on my hair from time to time. Surprisingly enough, I still have the same amount of hair though even after five treatments and I think it's starting to grow back now in fact so I really love my hair's strong will, yet I don't know why but my dark chocolate, ash hair is slowly getting quite... blonde. I don't know if it's a side effect from the medications but lol, it's getting even more yellow-y ash (much like corn husk) in color that's for sure! It's hilarious.
How are you getting by? Are you feeling alright?
I've already come to terms with my condition and everyone close to me; my family, relatives and close family friends and even strangers had been really supportive of me both spiritually and as I stated above, financially as well. In truth, cancer is also known to stir up depression and I'm no superhuman that is immune to it as well, even though I'm known to be a very strong willed and cheerful person by almost anyone who knows me since I was amusingly nicknamed to be their wall or pillar of support since I am extremely relentless and stubbornly willing to help out whenever and wherever I'm needed to be when I'm able to.
Now that I'm the one feeling under the weather makes me feel gloomy at times since I'm not used to this. But I don't really show it and keep it to myself, since I'm used to keeping my emotions in check and it helps when I think about that It's great that I have this sickness rather than anyone close to me since I realize that it would hurt me even more if it were otherwise. Besides, it wouldn't do me any good to wallow on depression right? So I'd rather face it with smile to not only raise my morale up but also to those who frequently worry and cares about me as well. So hooray for positiveness~
Is there something I can do for you? Anything I can help you with?
Draw or Write me something FMA related or draw any of my Original Characters? Lol, no you don't have to worry about that. Well it would honestly make me happy and grateful but it's not really necessary. Maybe a prayer for my well being would be enough or wish me luck in my somewhat long journey to recovery is already a big help for me. It really warms my heart to know how you guys are concerned for me even though we hardly knew one another personally.
What have you been doing lately? You haven't been around dA lately...
Ha ha, sorry for not being around for longer, I feel a little ill whenever I stay in the computer for too long but know that I have been drawing traditionally no matter how my hands hurt from being injected with chemo drugs alternatively. Drawing is still one of my few remaining stress relievers and when I get a chance, I'll be sure to post a couple of sketchbooks worth of drawings as soon as my scanner is up and running again. I've been drawing a piece everyday you see so I never really stopped being an artist.
Apart from that, I've began writing again and no, not just fan fictions but I'm also writing original stories and poems! Since I find myself cooped up from being alone in my room for long periods of time since I have to quit school for the meantime due to my health, I'm left to just muse on my playful thoughts and think of scenarios for my stories a lot. It helps clear my mind of negative thoughts regarding my health as well since I feel like I'm role-playing characters in my head so it's not that bad.
Also, I'm born into a family of video gamers so you'll find me playing video games a lot when I don't feel to ill to have some fun. I'm avoiding too much hardcore games though and play casual games for the time being since they don't want me to stress myself since I take gaming far too seriously at times.
But, I am playing a new game you might be familiar with. Me and my brother are playing the new, well somewhat new Pokemon game. Mine is Pokemon Omega Ruby and he has the other one. I got to chose my third starter buddy again, my awesome Mudkip! (Note me if you want my Friend Code)
What are you doing now?
Aside from the fact that I was typing this. (
) In all seriousness, me and my family are preparing for the powerful typhoon Hagupit (Ruby, in our country) that will supposedly hit our place later this evening our time. (It is noon when I typed this) It's far from the infamous Typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda, in our country) It is still another strong force to reckon with so we should be careful all the same and make the advance preparations. As we saw on our news, this storm has already devastated some places of our country earlier, including the places that Typhoon Haiyan destroyed last year. Geez... did they just had to go through it all over again? Why can't storms like this just stay in the water? Those poor people haven't really gotten back up from that big blow last year and here we go all over again. -_-
As for my case, I'm somewhere in Metro Manila so being near the capital city, typhoon Haiyan didn't really affected us much last year. But now that this new storm, Hagupit might landfall either beneath or directly at us. I don't know what will happen later, but hopefully nothing to disastrous. I am not in my best condition to help out now if that was the case and if I get sick, even the slightest of fevers would already be a very, terribly dangerous situation for me and I don't want that to happen, I want to go to those places that were immensely affected by this storms personally with my relatives the sooner I get better to offer our combined donations personally, we had donated already earlier last year but we thought of helping out again you see.
Sigh... It's already starting to rain outside now actually. I can see the heavy drops of water fall down our windows but it's still nothing to alarming fortunately. Hopefully it would get weaker soon. I don't think our house can handle any other heavy storm this past months. I hope and pray it will not be another Typhoon Haiyan wreckage, it's significantly weaker but this strong storm is also abnormally slower. Who knows how long this storm will stay in one location and that long period of downpour isn't any better.
I know the Philippines has this wonderful island views and the perfect tropical climate to go along with it, all year round but this storm should not dare take a vacation here and get a suntan before leaving.
Will you be around here longer soon? And how flooded is your inbox that you haven't seen my earlier comment/note.
If the storm wouldn't get worse and when I feel a little better I might hang around longer. I really miss my activity here in dA, especially managing my group and it's sad that I've missed out a lot. I mean look, I was shocked to see dA like this when I was on hiatus. What on earth happened here? I was surprised my front page looked all cramped and messy the first time I saw the new look when I couldn't logged in for some reason. It looks fine now that I'm back online though. Was it just a glitch or something?
DeviantArt looks a bit different to me now and like the new dA Logo, it took me awhile to realize the new bookmark icon on my desktop/laptop was my dA link as well. Ha ha, I think I personally liked the older one better, because of it's more simple and less abstract tackle they're aiming for nowadays, but I never really mind changes and I quickly adapt to them and eventually like them in a later time. But I think I'll study about those other changes in a more later time. My eyes are getting a bit sore from being in a computer for some time now.
That said, I'll get back to the other messages and notes pending in my inbox in a later time as well. If you want a more immediate reply for any question or anything in general that I can reply to, post a newer comment or send a new note so I can see it sooner. Because if I was to snap a screenshot and see how much messages I've left hanging, it would take me quite awhile to get back to you since I currently have 262 feedback messages to settle.
Actually, It was far worse than that earlier last weekend. It was thrice more, but of course some of them were just notifications on llama's and faves so... I just deleted that after I gave back a badge or given one. The ones remaining are mostly unanswered comments here and there and everywhere... and some other people who I haven't gave back a llama to yet since I got lazy. But I promise to get back to you soon when I feel a lot better.
If you have any questions or just want to tell me something interesting or anything in general. It's best to comment below this journal so I can see it easily. Please feel free to talk to me about anything random since I could use some company and I really want to know what you guys are doing nowadays that you're willing to share with me. Oh and I might have missed a question as well so you might see a new answered question above randomly as well.
Again, despite feeling tired almost all the time. I really don't feel too ill or too sick and this is something that I really think I can handle or at least, I believe that I can. There's really no use beating myself up after all, what's here is already here and I'd rather face it with arms than run away from it to eventually get stab in the back, figuratively that is and with that, I feel so amusingly poetic nowadays and that just shows how bored and even how dorky I truly am despite my health so... as much as I know some of you might be worrying about me, know that I am alright and I'm getting by with a smile on my face everyday.
See you guys later and hope you have a good day, take care as well!